


Questline

by CharlesOberonn



Category: Original Work
Genre: Adventure, Bad JRPG, Comedy, Fantasy, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:27:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29738019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharlesOberonn/pseuds/CharlesOberonn
Summary: The protagonist has a simple mission to accomplish. It just has a lot of steps in the way.





	1. Chapter 1

I stand in my armor on the precipie of Hell’s Mouth. The flames, both red and white, surround me. The three other crystals are all set in their places across the other corners of the gaping abyss. I heave and push the final crystal into place.

Light erupts from its core, and bursts out in the form of three concentrated beams that travel across the vast distances and towards the other crystals. Similar beams now burst out from the rest of them and form a square with an X over the abyss.

Then all four crystals shatter, and the entire cavern is filled with light. The flames are extinguished all at once and a torrent of glowing orbs flows out of the mouth of hell and floats up into the air.

I squint my eyes as the orbs form a humanoid being in the air. Tens of meters tall, with six arms and four massive wings. The angel is adorned in an armor not dissimilar to my own, but glowing, and brand new, as opposed to my ancient set. And much larger of course.

“I am Venn-El. The Angel at the End of Time.” it bellows at me, its voice echoing through the cavern, and transmitting directly into my mind, all at once.

“Why have you awakened me?” it flies down so that its incomprehensible and massive face stares at me. “I am not to awaken until the end of all things, when I am to rebuild a new universe from the ashes of this one.”

“Um, I wanted to switch rooms.” I tell him back.

He floats still above me, silent, for a solid ten seconds. “What?”

“I lived in an inn with three other dudes. I wanted to switch rooms with Bradon because the central heating doesn’t reach my room and it’s gonna be winter soon.”

Venn-El pauses again. Then it drifts back into its original location. “What does that have to do with me?”

“I need a feather from one of your wings.”

“What? What for?”

“It’s a long story.”

“I have literally all the time in the universe.”

“You sure? It’s kinda stupid.” I take off my helmet and rub at the back of my head.

“Now you have piqued my interest mortal. You must tell me.”

“Okay…” I sigh. “You asked for it.”

“So I asked Bradon if I could switch rooms with him and he obviously said no. So I asked him what he wanted in return for the switch. He said I needed to do some chores for him, so I did them, but after that he was like “lol thanks” and then refused to switch rooms.”

“God, what a dick.” Venn-El comments. It seems comfortable leaning back into thin air, as though sitting in a chair.

“I know, right?” I lean back against a rock. “So anyway…” I continue “I eventually realized that my bro Jackmire technically owns the deed for the inn so he could force Bradon to be true to his word. And Jackmire agreed, but he’d have to get the local constable to sign the order confirming Jackmire as head of the house first. So I had to go to the police to get the constable.”

“Sounds like a beaurocratic mess. I would’ve just vaporized Bradon.”

“Trust me, if I could’ve, I would’ve.”

“Please continue.”

“Okay, so I went down to town to get the constable, but they were busy at the police station because three bandits were hiding in the nearby hillsides causing trouble and the constable was out of town chasing them. They told me they could give me temporary authority as a deputy to go look for him if I helped them with the paperwork. I’m pretty sure that was some bullshit.”

“I don’t have much concept for the way the mortal realm works but it sounds like it.”

“But I did it anyway, got my badge, and went out to the hillside to look for the constable. Only to be nearly immediately attacked by some low-level monsters and chased back to town. So I got to the local blacksmith and asked him to borrow an armor and sword.”

“This armor and sword? Pretty impressive for a small town blacksmith.”

“What? Nah. I upgraded these like 15 times since then.” I tap my Godslayer sword against my Legendary Hero’s armor. “So anyway, blacksmith agreed to just give me the sword if I pretended to be a suitor for his daughter because she’s been very lonely and he thought she needed some love.”

“Kinda manipulative, but also sweet.”

“Long story short, halfway through my fake date, I find out the girl didn’t need a suitor, she was actually gay. I later gave her the address for this other lesbian I’ll meet later, but for then I just bid her ado, and went on my way to the hillsides to look for the constable. Killing the monsters was difficult, but I got pretty good at it after a few hours.”

“How long ago was that?”

“Um, last week? Maybe two weeks. I lost the sense of time ever since my trip to the ancient past.”

“What?”

“But I’m getting ahead of myself. I made it to where the bandits were and found the constable dying. I beat the bandits (broke my sword in the process) and in his dying words, the constable told me that I had to protect the town. I told him I’m too busy and then he died.”

“Fucking hell.”

“Exactly. So that was a literally dead end. My only other hope to get the deed verified is the other signature, which was the constable’s old boss who has since retired.”

“So the adventure continues.”

“I got back to town and told the secretary in the police station that the constable is dead. She tells me I’m the new constable. That’s cool and all but I can’t verify the deed since I’m not the one who signed it. I ask where the old guy who co-signed it is and they tell me he’s retired in the Imperial Capital. I also tell the blacksmith that I broke his sword and try to return him his armor but he says I can keep it and even upgrades my stuff to be better. Which is super sweet.”

“Sounds like a solid dude.”

“So anyway, I gotta leave for the capital but I also can’t leave the town without a constable, so I gotta find a replacement. It needs to be somebody strong and reliable, and luckily for me, there was a tournament in the next town over. And I’m thinking surely somebody is gonna be there who’s good to be a constable. So I take the dead constable’s horse and some donated supplies from the locals and I ride there. It’s pretty close by so it doesn’t take too much before I reach there, and the tournament is about to start.”

“Ooh, a tournament arc!”

“Yeah. So anyway, I find the perfect match. Her name is Kroshna and she’s the champion of the village and the daughter of their constable, so she’s got all the experience necessary. I ask her to go be constable in the next town over and she says yes, but on the condition that I beat her in the tournament. So off I go signing up to the tournament so I could face and later beat a lady three times my size and years more experienced than me.”

“How did you do that?”

“Well, it wasn’t easy, but I’m getting ahead of myse-” suddenly the entire abyss begins cracking up and rumbling. It then begins to close.

“Shit.” I say. “Looks like the planetary alignment is over.”

“Fuck. But it was just getting interesting.” Venn-El says. “How did the story go? How did you beat her? What happened when you went to the capital?”

“We’ve got no time, dude. Can I please just get the feather?”

“Oh yeah, yeah, for sure.” the angel plucks a single feather out of one of its wings. Another one instantly grows in its place.

“I hope this helps you in your quest.”

“Thanks.”

“Please come back next alignment and finish the story because I’m dying to know.”

“Oh yeah, for sure, man. I’ll cya next time!”

The ground then sucks Venn-El back into the abyss in the form of orbs of light, and then closes completely, swallowing everything up in sight. I use my teleportation rock to get out of the cavern before it collapses on me. I then put the feather in my pouch and pull out a to-do list.

I cross out the feather from the list. Only 304 more steps to go.

I sigh and call for my skeleton steed. This is gonna be a long journey.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The continued adventure of the protagonist's elaborate mission

I climb up the icy wall near the peak of Hurricane Mountain. The cold and thin air is proving taxing on my body, even with my magically insulated clothes. I should be happy this isn’t hurricane season, or I’d be blown clean off the mountain in seconds. Landing who knows where. I don’t want to live through that again.

As I stab my ice pick over the wall and push myself over the top, I see the thing I am here for. The Ancient Observatory. Its circular stone dome and long pillars seem welcoming compared to the surrounding frozen wasteland.

I enter the structure, at which points the magic inhabiting it comes to life to welcome me. Thick warm air fills my lungs and lights illuminate my way as I walk towards the center of the room, where the base of the observatory’s telescope waits for me, undisturbed for thousands of years.

After taking a brief break to eat my lunch, I pull out the Lens of the Unseen from my dimensional backpack and slide it into the telescope. The machine whirs to life with the sounds of turning gears and blinking lights. With the bracelet on my right arm I pull out a holographic display of the Solar System and put my eye against the lens.

Not a minute passes since I started stargazing and a flash of familiar white light fills the room again. I shield my eyes from its glare as orbs of light cascade down from the ceiling, forming a humanoid figure tens meter tall.

“I am Venn-El! The Angel of the End!” it announces its presence.

“Sup, dude! Long time no see.” I answer back.

“Hey man, what’s up? I missed you.” I can almost see compassion in its face, except my senses can’t comprehend its true form.

“I missed you, too, bruh. I thought I’d only see you next planetary alignment.”

“Yeah, I got bored slumbering in my Eternal Vault, so I went out to look for you. You still owe me the rest of that story.”

“Damn, I sure am. Mind if I tell it while I look through this telescope?”

“Yeah, of course. What are you looking for?” it leans to examine the device as I put my eye back to the lens.

“I’m looking for the Dark Planet. I’m charting a journey through the aether.”

“Cool. How are you gonna do that?”

“I got a starship.” I say matter-of-factly. “Well, most of a starship. Still got a couple dozen parts left.”

“You still need to switch rooms at the inn?” it asks, seeming concerned.

“What? No, the inn burned down a while ago. Dragon attack. It’s my fault, really. I stole a cursed coin from its hoard. Shows me for trying to be nice.”

“Oh fuck. Are your friends okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, they’re fine. I went back in time to the moment of the attack to rescue them, but my teleportation stone broke in the heat and scattered them across the cosmos. That’s why I’m planning a space journey, actually.” I adjust the telescope’s lens and writes something down on my holographic map. “I think I’m gonna do a pit stop on the moon first, though. I promised their exiled princess that I’d depose her tyrranical mother if I was ever in the area.”

“Sounds like exciting stuff. But I think you’re getting ahead of yourself. We were in the middle of the story.”

“That we were.” I smile. “Where was it? The tournament?”

“Yeah, you just signed up for it.”

“Feels like ages ago.”

“Please continue the story, I am dying to know. Except not literally because I am beyond life and death.” the angel clarifies.

“Alright alright, strap in.” I say in an excited tone. I can’t quite read the everchanging shapes of Venn-El’s face but I think it’s an excited one.

“It was pretty clear the villagers didn’t fancy a stranger from some inn competing in their annual tournament and ruining their tradition. The tough boys of the village were even fighting amongst themselves about who would get to pulverize me for daring to challenge their precious champion. I didn’t care though, I had a mission and I was gonna complete it.”

“A man with determination, I like it.”

“More like a man with very low tolerance for BS. But anyway, the tournament had 3 segments. The first was one-on-one wrestling matches. Then the winners from those would all compete in a big battle royale until only one was standing. The winner from that would get to face off against Kroshna.”

“So she would fully rested and you’d be all tired and bloody? Doesn’t seem fair.”

“Trust me, I could be at full strength and still not have a snowball’s chance in Tartarus to beat Kroshna. At least not back then.”

“So how did you beat her.”

“Hold on, I’m getting to it. First I was up against a guy nnamed Karibun. He wasn’t nearly as intimidating as Kroshna. But he was still quite a beast in his own right. I admit I was scared. I considered quitting. But then I remembered my secret weapon.”

“Ooh, a secret weapon! What was it?”

“Y’see, back when I was in the hillsides fighting my way to the bandits camp I found an abandoned backpack. I think whoever owned it must’ve heard I was on a rampage and ran away. But they left their bag behind, and inside it a half-drunken red potion.”

“That’s gotta be cheating.”

“Oh it absolutely was.”

“What did the potion do?”

“I was about to find out.”

“So you just chanced it.”

“Pretty much. I was to go up against a half-naked brute with callouses bigger than my thumb. And though I gotten some experience from fighting monsters, I was still a pretty scrawny dude. So before I got into the ring, I took a swig from the potion.”

“Well, what did it do?”

“At first not much. I was heading into the ring and the bell rung. Karibun was gonna turn me into paste. But then I felt this rush of energy through my veins. I smiled and just ran into him with all my strength.”

“And... did it give it strength? Did you beat him?”

“It gave me something better than strength. It gave me perspective. I suddenly could see everything around me like in slow-motion. And I realized something important. I didn’t need to be stronger than him to win.”

“So how did you win?”

“We were running into each other at full speed, and about to collide. Then, like I thought he would, he chickened out at the last moment and stepped aside. So I turned on my hell and pushed him out of the ring while he was trying to regain his balance.”

“Hilarious.”

“So yeah, that pissed off the other contestants majorly. But Kroshna actually seemed impressed.”

“Was she?”

“She slept with me a couple nights later so I think so?”

“Nice.”

“The same trick wouldn’t work in the second round though. Battle royale. But at least I could use my sword and armor, which were leagues above the equipment of the other guys. That village was a bunch of meatheads, but they weren’t the most sophisticated fighters. Plus, I was feeling a real crash from the potion’s effects wearing off.”

“So how did you win.”

“I’m not very proud of that, but I basically cowered in an alley while the other fighters were looking for me. In my defense they were all determined to get to me, they weren’t even trying to fight each other. I just hid there for a good 20 minutes playing hide and seek. Occasionally one of the guys would find me, I made sure to knock him out with a quick shield bash before he could call his friends. I was feeling really tired from the potion crash so after that I would have to find a new hiding place and hide for another 10 minutes gathering my strength.”

“Not very interesting for the spectators.”

“Haha, no, I suppose not. But it worked. For the first three guys, that is.”

“And after that.”

“After that they found me and stormed at me all at once. I stuck into a corner, quite literally. With these guys coming at me with death in their eyes. I was looking everywhere for a way to get away, and then I looked up, and saw a clothesline above me. So I tossed my sword up and cut it, making a bunch of semi-wet sheets to fall on their heads. Then during the scuffle I used the rope to tie them to a street lamp.”

“Clever!”

“Thank you. So yeah, I beat the second round, and now I had to face against Kroshna. And I was at my wits’ and my lungs’ end. I was gonna die right then and there. At least I wouldn’t need to worry about winter coming.”

“But you did beat her.”

“Yes. I did.”

“I’d love to hear you why in a sec. But I’m curious about something else.” Venn-El floats above me. I pull my face away from the telescope to look at its face.

“What is it?”

“What did you end up doing with my feather?”

“Oh, that? I used it along with a mixture of different kraken inks to make a quill so that a golden automaton could write a peace treaty between two primordial titans.”

“Oh, I know those two. They can be real blabbermouths.”

“Their heads were above the clouds so I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but they sounded like they were in a very heated argument.”

“Better them arguing than fighting and tearing the planet’s core apart. Anyway, please continue your story.”

“Yeah, okay. I was trying to catch my breath before the final round. The entire village was stabbing glares at me. Which is better than stabbing me with knives I guess, but it was still uncomfortable. I didn’t have enough time to rest before I had to come to the arena and face off against Kroshna.”

“Ooh, we’re getting to the good part.”

“She was massive. For a human, that is. And her arms were wider than my torso. It was insane. I had no chance against her, even in my full armor. Not in a fair fight, at least.”

“You don’t care about being fair, though.”

“You’re damn right I don’t. I took a big gulp from the potion before the fight, finished the whole bottle. It wouldn’t help make me stronger, but I figured it’d give me some clarity of mind. I still almost shit in my armor when I saw her towering over me. She didn’t wear any armor, and her only weapons were two brass knuckles that rivaled the size of my sword each.”

After making sure that the angel is listening intently, I continue. “The metal quality seemed poor though, so I thought maybe my superior armor would help protect me. And it did, but only for one hit before the force of her punch turned my shield into a piece of junk. I was tossed across the bow. I was hoping that would disqualify me, but this wasn’t that kind of battle. She punched down at me, trying to crush my chest with her fist. I managed to dodge her by rolling to the side. That’s when I realized a way to defeat her.”

“What was it? What was it?”

“I couldn’t knock her down or overpower her. So I would use her own size against her. I got up quickly and made a feinting attack with my sword. She didn’t hesitate to punch directly at the blade. I figured she would do that, so I dodged, letting go of my weapon. I watched as its mangled form was thrown across the ring, it was all bent and broken.”

“Twice in the same day.”

“She looked at the blade, trying to figure out where I was. But I was already on her back. I used the fabric as a handhold to make myself onto her shoulders and then I held on to dear life as she spun around and tried to knock me off. She tried using her hands to grab at me, but I was smaller and more dextrous, and her arms weren’t very flexible.”

“Success!”

“Almost. Once I was on her, I realized I didn’t have a way down or to beat her. I desperately looked for something, but there was nothing.”

“So what did you do?”

“I strangled her.”

“Woah.”

“My hands and even my whole arm weren’t strong enough to do the job. But if I used my legs and my entire body weight with the armor, it just might do the trick. It was a harsh and terrible thing. It took a whole two minutes of me pulling my entire back while both legs were wrapped around her neck to get her to lose conciousness. Her neck was like a tree trunk, and by the time she felt down my legs were tired. Unfortunately, I couldn’t enjoy my victory too much, because she fell down backwards and crushed my ribs.”

“Ouch.”

“So yeah, I woke up a few hours later in the town clinic with a bandaged rib cage and a splitting headache. Took me three days to heal back to full health. Kroshna told me the whole town hated me, but she defended my honor. Even though I was a “dirty dirty cheater” in her own words. In retrospect she was flirting with me, but I was too busy hurting.”

“Oh well. But you did tap that.”

“Eventually, yeah. But for now she just rode off to the next town over and said she’s take over as constable. After healing, I took a horse Kroshna left me, and my broken mangled tools, and headed north to the capital.”

“To find the old retired constable.”

“Yes, I’m glad you remembered. I almost forgot.”

“Did you find him?”

“Not at first, but I did find something a lot more peculiar. More insidious. More horrifying.”

“What was it? What did you find?”

“Oh shit, I found it.” I pull my eye away from the telescope and write a coordinate down in my hologram.

“Yeah, that’s what I’m asking.” Venn-El seems impatient.

“No, I mean I found the Dark Planet, just now. Just wait a minute, I gotta call my spaceship manager-” I am interrupted by a shrieking scream and the sound of cackling. The room is filled with dark winds that swirl around and crackle with green lightning.

Then, a cascade of dark green apparitions flow out of the telescope and fill the room with their endless echoes of screams and laughter. I quickly pull the lens from outside the telescope, which stops the flow of spirits, but the ones already here remain, and they dance around the room some more before disappearing.

Venn-El and I look out the window to see dozens of them travel down the mountain towards the villages in the valley below.

“Um. I think I should probably deal with this. Do you mind if we put this on hold for now?”

“Yeah, man, for sure. Go take care of this.” Venn-El answers. Before the angel is done with its sentence, I am already out of the observatory and gliding off the mountain with my retractable elvensilk glider.

As I glide down, I pull out my list and cross out ‘dark planet coordinates’ I then add ‘a whole bunch of dark spirits’ underneath it.

It’s gonna be a long journey.


End file.
